Where do all the stupid people go?

Garage Band class. 2nd block. Enough said. This class is the academic version of the 'Tard Cart

So basically what it's all about is a small barren room filled with $5000 computer setups with a curriculum catered to idiots. And yes im taking it. I need fine arts credits, and i refuse to be the only man in a room full of ceramic -molding, paint-sniffing, jewlery-making asshats.

There are 3 types of people in this class:

1) Black people who think they can rap but they cant. They are taking this class to advance their rap careers but just plain suck at life

2) White people who think they can rap but they cant. Straight from the trailer park! Seriously, one kid looks like his face has been melted in some industrial chemo-nuclear-mechanical accident. Probably from all the inbreeding.

3) Me.

Back to the $5000 computer setups. We get MIDI keyboards, which is odd considering many of these rappers-in-training have never seen a keyboard or know what a musical note is. So one day I get our 5 day project done in 20 minutes, take off my headphones, hear some thunderous noise, and immediately hit the floor, thinking one of those Minnesota earthquakes. But HOLY SHIT thats not thunder its the sound of 23 retards randomly hitting keys on their keyboards, many sporting a sexy grin.

So the point in trying to make is, get your damn fine arts credits done early. Dont be the only senior stuck in a sea of sophomore inbreds.

Troy Hurtubise vs Bear Grylls

This will be the first new recurring segment that does not have Douche in its title: Phatality Phights. You know the often asked question of who would win in a fight between two notable persons? Well this is exactly that but with my added commentary.

Phirst ever Phatality Phight matchup: Troy Hurtubise vs Bear Grylls

Troy Hurtubise is probably the greatest inventor of all time. He has created firepaste (most resistant substance on Earth), 1313 paste (which can stop sniper rifle fire), the Angel Light and the Trojan Ballistic Armor Suit.

The Angel Light is a large device that can allow people to see through objects, detect stealth aircraft, see into flesh and will one day cure cancer.

However most important of all is the badass armor he makes. The Trojan Ballistic Armor Suit is like real life Halo armor, but better. The Ursus Mark VII armor suit he made he used to beat the crap of a bear that had attacked him years before.

Bear Grylls however is not a bear. Bear Grylls the man was born on the beaches of Normandy on June 6, 1944 but through his superb diet and exercise routine is currently only 34 years old.

Bear enjoys swimming in frozen lakes, sleeping in tonton carcasses and killing innocent animals on cable TV. His favorite food is the small intestine of a camel and his favorite past time is making tents out of leaves and saliva.

Bear is proficient in many weapons including, but not limited to: knives, boomerangs, sharp pointy sticks, jagged rocks, smooth rocks, trees, dead animals, and his socks.

Trust me, you do not want to find either of these people in a dark alley, for Troy may cure your cancer only to destroy you with his robot armor and Bear would have the entire place set with traps only to choke you to death with his bare hands.

Who would win?