UW Campus Construction to be Finished as early as Fall 2237

In a joint statement issued by the chief contractors of Madison’s three major construction companies: J. H. Findorff & Sons, CG Schmidt, and Terra Construction, the tentative date of completion for all University of Wisconsin-Madison construction projects has been set for the Fall of 2237.

The date could have been even earlier but due to the accidental excavation of another sacred Indian burial grounds beneath library mall and the planned bulldozing of the (Old) Union South many projects are facing extended completion dates. The remodeling of the Bielema Intergalactic Languages Center as well as the demolition of the Lucky slum developments will see the largest delays. “The Fall 2237 date is optimistic, but I think that as long as weather stays consistently at around 64-66 degrees with no precipitation and the construction budget continues to increase exponentially on September 1st, 2237, Madison may see it’s first official period of no construction projects in progress,” stated Jimmy Findorff Jr., seven time recipient of the Findorff Most Improved Worker Award and son of James Findorff, owner of the construction firm.

Regional site manager Ronald Dufour disagrees, “Every time we unearth another sacred Indian burial grounds, which happens all too often, we get a huge pile of paperwork to sort through that delays us from doing our jobs, and by jobs I mean idling around work sites, putting up fences and moving dirt back and forth, I think it'll be at least 312 years until we see a break in construction”. In related news the route 85 hover trams will still not have enough room to fit the 9:55 student crowd, or get them to class on time until at least 2581.